Beginning to Build a Home

Since my last post, CJ and I put an offer on another townhouse, this time in Burke, VA. And we got it!!! The whole story is pretty amazing, as it turns out I actually know the current owners through the Fellowship of Christian Athletes here in Fairfax. God really blessed us with a good deal - 3 bedrooms, 2.5 remodeled baths, a new kitchen and a finished basement. We close July 1 and can't wait to move in and get settled...I'll try to post pictures of the house soon.

Until then, you'll have to settle for a few shots from my recent bridal shower in Lancaster. My maid of honor, Mary Grace, along with some help from my mom and some other friends, put together the most beautiful shower I've ever been to. It was a great time to see friends and family and to be blessed with lots of gifts that will, Lord-willing, grace our home and bless our guests for years to come.


The delicious and beautiful spread


The girls: Ashley (sister-in-law), Kim (college friend), me, Anne (bridesmaid/college friend), Laura (college friend), Mary Grace (matron of honor/college friend), Kellie (college friend), Brynne (former roommate/college friend), and Liz (bridesmaid/friend from DC)


My friend Sarah and I...best friends growing up :)


My crazy flower girl Morgan and ring bearer Caleb...chowing down on post-shower leftovers

My Life in Pictures

The past few weeks have been full of many major life events...here are some highlights in pictures.


On May 17th, I was graduated from George Mason University with my MFA in creative nonfiction writing.

From graduation, CJ and I (with both sets of parents in tow) went to sign a contract on what we thought would be our first house - a cute townhome in Fairfax. Unfortunately, the following week, during our home inspection, we discovered significant termite/electrical problems. As a result, we decided to back out of the contract. We were a little disappointed, but not too much...now it's back to house shopping for us!

The following week, CJ was graduated from Johns Hopkins University with a masters in systems engineering. It was a cold and rainy night, but our good friends Liz and Colin McCabe braved the elements to help us celebrate!

Then, that Saturday, my youngest brother Nate wed Ashley in Hershey, PA. It was a beautiful wedding and reception...we're so excited for both of them and thrilled to have Ashley join our family.

End of reception antics...check out my parents' faces in the background :)

That's all for now...life is finally starting to slow down, so hopefully I can do some more creative posts soon.

Changes

As I was reminded by several people this weekend, it's been a long time since I've managed a post on this blog. It's been a crazy few months as I've been working hard to finish my thesis, teach two sections of freshmen literature, and plan a wedding.

But things are finally starting to come together...on Thursday, I turned in my 190 page final draft of my thesis and taught my final classes for the semester. On Friday, CJ and I ordered the suits that the guys will be wearing in our wedding. I also read the preface and the last chapter from the thesis at a public reading. It was terrifying, but a neat opportunity to share my heart with classmates, students, church friends, other friends, and strangers. On Saturday, CJ and I drove up to PA to put together our wedding invitations with our moms and a bunch of friends. My mom did such a good job designing them, and I think they look amazing. And today, I just put the finishing touches on our wedding website. Check it out at:

http://www.cjandabby.weddingwindow.com/index.html

Please continue to pray for CJ and I as we finish up odds and ends of grad school stuff this week and prepare for graduations in the following weeks. We'll also be busy with wedding plans and house/apartment shopping. But I'm hoping that as things continue to get checked off the list, I'll be able to post a little more frequently.

Things That Make Me Laugh...

Since so much of my time is currently consumed by reflecting deeply on my own life and spiritual journey and by wedding planning and big decision making, it's easy to feel like there's no time for fun or levity. As a result, I've grown to truly appreciate the little things that make me laugh. After all, the Bible says that "a cheerful heart is good medicine" (Proverbs 17:22). So to that end, I share with you some of the things that have made me laugh this week...I hope they are good medicine for you also!

-On Tuesday, I purchased my cap, gown, and master's hood for my GMU graduation. I had NO idea that master's gowns have these weird sleeves that hang below my hands like mini pockets. I'm not sure what the purpose of them is, except maybe to store snacks to sustain you while everyone's name is called for their diploma. Anyways, to make the whole get-up even cooler, the gown is bright green and the hood brings in the excellent accent colors of "poop brown" and yellow. CJ says I look like Gumby and also had the brilliant insight that the three colors of my gown are the three colors your snot turns when you're sick. Excellent. All the same, I'm hanging it on my closet door as motivation...less than two months until I can wear it!

-Today, when I was walking across campus, these people were holding signs that said "Free Hugs" and running around trying to hug people. Honestly, it scared me, but it made me laugh too.

-Tonight, at our church small group, our singles pastor came to visit and was talking, among other things, about an idea he has to start a co-ed book club. He was trying to communicate how he wanted to make sure the women were included (since some past groups have been men only), but he said something like, "We need to get women reading books." As if the room full of college-educated women couldn't read or something. We all enjoyed ribbing him for the rest of the night. My idea...design a shirt with the following text: "Sovereign Grace Church of Fairfax. Putting books in the hands of women since 2008." :)

-And last, but not least, CJ :) He pretty much makes me laugh everyday. What a blessing!

Life in Northern Virginia

Some more thesis excerpts. I've been trying to capture the flavor of different parts of Northern Virginia as I write about the events that transpired there.

SPRINGFIELD:

I turned into the girls’ neighborhood, weaving my way through streets lined with parked cars, past houses of fading pastels and lawns of sparse, weedy grass. I registered this with surprise, contrasting these aging homes with the luxury townhouses in my current neighborhood and with my image of what life should be like in the richest county in the nation. I had yet to understand that like DC, Fairfax County is an area of unlikely contrast, that beneath the veneer of wealth and perfection, there is a middle class, even poverty.

* * * * * * * *

ARLINGTON:

We sat on white plastic chairs, coated in a summer’s worth of dusty film, and we cracked open beers and hard cider and a bottle or two of wine. There was something comfortable about this neighborhood, something refreshing in the simple fact that it had been here longer than we had, that it lacked the startling uniformity of Fairfax’s newer neighborhoods and strip malls. This house and those around it had existed in the fifties, and there was a sense of that here, of a time when life was simpler and slower and people really did sit on the porch sipping lemonade and talking.

Post-College Realizations

Here's some of my latest thesis writing, about my first night in Northern Virginia almost six years ago now. Who would have thought then that I'd still be here now?

When I tell the story to friends now, after almost six years of Northern Virginia living, I can laugh at the utter loneliness I felt that first night, knowing the end of the story. But at the time, I simply felt sorry for myself. This isn’t the way it was supposed to be, I thought as I sat in the family room of a family I didn’t know, listening to the darkness of late summer settle. My idealistic visions had left no space for a moment like this. Over the past four years, I’d grown accustomed to living life in community, with friends and acquaintances my constant companions in eating, studying, exercising, partying, praying, even in walking to class. I’d grown accustomed to the rhythms of dorm life: the comfortingly irregular pattern of stereos blasts, slamming doors, and conversation fragments; the hum of the florescent lighting overhead; the gentle scrapings of my roommate’s pencil across the rough pages of her sketch book. Here though, there were only solitary sounds, frightening in their unfamiliarity: breeze rustling tree leaves I’d never seen, crickets chirping in grass I’d never walked, the cars of people I’d never met rolling into driveways up and down the street.

Thesis Writing

Sorry I've been MIA from the blogosphere for a few months! CJ and I got engaged in December, right before Christmas (hooray!), so between wedding planning and thesis writing, I haven't had the time.

Anyways, here is an excerpt from my latest thesis chapter (about my experience with the Navigators in college).

There were roughly 100 or so students in the chapel that first Friday night, and everyone seemed friendly and genuinely excited to be there. The worship team consisted of vocals, piano, acoustic guitar, and bongo drums and felt more calm and mellow than any of the other groups. I found myself relaxing, able to unwind from the stress of that first week of classes and to simply enjoy singing to God. And the best part was that when the meeting was over, everyone gathered for an “After Navs” activity, this week at the house of the head campus staff couple, Dave and Cathy Bowman. I piled into a car with a group of people I’d just met and headed off to see what it was all about. After all, I figured, there was nothing to lose. I didn’t feel like crashing frat parties with the other girls on my floor, and there wasn’t much else to do in a college town on a Friday night.

The Bowmans’ house was warm and comfortable, a standard Pennsylvania middle class home complete with quilts, nature paintings, and a wood-burning stove. In the various rooms both upstairs and down, students and staff members mingled, playing games, eating brownies and chips and carrots, laughing, talking. People were quick to introduce themselves, to invite me join in whatever happened to be going on. I was impressed. Instead of spending their Friday nights out partying, these people wanted to be together. Instead of hooking up with random strangers, they appeared to be building something that felt, even as a newcomer, like community. This was exactly what I was looking for.

Photography Fun

Lately I've been into taking pictures. I really want to take a class when I have time, but for now, I'm just messing around on my own. Here are a few favorites from the past month...


Lisa at Heidi's Bachelorette Spa Day

Ginny, Megan, and Heidi at Heidi's Bachelorette Overnight

CJ and I at the Outer Banks


Morgan Maxwell


My brother Nate at Thanksgiving

Sin and Grace

I've been writing today about the words sin and grace, about how I'm drawn to the sound of grace and repelled by the sound of sin. Unfortunately it's not always because I hate my sin, but more because I hate being reminded of my sin, hate having my pride confronted with the truth that my sin is serious enough to merit God's wrath. I guess what I'm realizing is that grace does have a sweet sound, but that its sweetness is actually weakened when I ignore the abrasiveness of my sin. A few excerpts....

I hate the sound of the word sin. It is sharp and biting, its abruptness leaving no space for excuses or escape. It penetrates and condemns, the very sound of it like an arrow slicing the air and then piercing deep into the flesh. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. The wages of sin is death.

Grace is soft and round, slow and soothing. It slides off the tongue smoothly, the final sound dissolving into silence, so that the word itself seems to linger in the air, comforting, upholding. For it is by grace you have been saved. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Sometimes, when I read the word grace, I hear it in a thick Scottish accent. I picture my hand in the weathered grip of an old Scottish pastor, imagine the sparkle in his warm eyes as he says: Grace to you, lassie, grace to you.

I like the sound of grace, but I can’t escape the reality of sin. It creeps up everywhere, boils up in fact from the deep places of my own heart.

Fall's Beginning

Well now that summer's over (see post below for some pics), fall is here, and that means I'm back to school - this time as a full-time student and teaching assistant at George Mason. It's weird to not be in middle school after 5 full years! Anyways, I've been having fun teaching freshmen composition and doing lots of reading and writing. Here are some excerpts from the thesis chapter I've been working on this week; it's about church as body with each part relying on the others. I've cut out all the fun story parts (so you'll have to buy the book someday!), but this will give you an idea of what I've been thinking about. Enjoy, and send any feedback my way!

There are many people at my church who do not fit neatly into the self-centered vision of church I’d generated in my teens and early twenties. In my grand dreams, church was a place where I should be comfortable, where people should make me feel welcome and accepted and warm inside. Don’t get me wrong; I didn’t have any illusions that they’d all be just like me. I wanted them to be different, unique, diverse in the ways that make any community really beautiful. In my internal vision of church, there was room for many types of people: the nurturing, motherly type, the intellectually and artistically stimulating type, the make me laugh until I cry type, even the want to follow in my footsteps type. But of course, I used to think, they’d all be cool and energizing and fun. They’d be different, but not that different, not uncomfortably different.

But the reality is that church is full of people who are uncomfortably different, and I am often unsure of what to do about that. Last week though, I came across a passage that helped. In I Corinthians 12, the apostle Paul describes the church as a body, a unit which contains many individual parts functioning together for a greater purpose. In Christ, we are part of the same body, and I need these people as much as they need me. Paul writes, “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you,’ nor again the head to the feet, ‘I have no need of you,’ On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor.” And as much as there is still part of me that wants to say to some people, “I have no need of you,” I am beginning to see that I do in fact have great need of them. I need them as a constant, physical reminder of my pride and of my need, by God’s grace, to change in this area.

Summer's Over...

Last week marked the end of summer for me, so I thought I'd share a few highlights...


Being in Liz and Colin's wedding in June
(and having CJ there with me)

Camping with CJ and his friends Dave and Sarah in early July

Celebrating my birthday with soft serve and friends at a local favorite, Woody's

Another birthday celebration, this time with CJ, Liz, and Colin at Movies Under the Moon in DC


Spending a week at the beach with the fam and CJ (boating on the bay here)

Evidence for Christ

I read today a transcript of a debate between Christopher Hitchens (atheist) and Douglas Wilson (Christian) and really enjoyed Wilson's presentation of evidence for Christ...probably because of its poetic quality :)

"Actually, I believe I can present evidence for what I know. But evidence comes to us like food, and that is why we say grace over it. And we are supposed to eat it, not push it around on the plate—and if we don't give thanks, it never tastes right. But here is some evidence for you, in no particular order. The engineering that went into ankles. The taste of beer. That Jesus rose from the dead on the third day, just like he said. A woman's neck. Bees fooling around in the flower bed. The ability of acorns to manufacture enormous oaks out of stuff they find in the air and dirt. Forgiveness of sin. Storms out of the North, the kind with lightning. Joyous laughter (diaphragm spasms to the atheistic materialist). The ocean at night with a full moon. Delta blues. The peacock that lives in my yard. Sunrise, in color. Baptizing babies. The pleasure of sneezing. Eye contact. Having your feet removed from the miry clay, and established forever on the rock. You may say none of this tastes right to you. But suppose you were to bow your head and say grace over all of it. Try it that way."

Check out the rest of the debate here:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/mayweb-only/121-52.0.html

A Few of My Favorite People

On this cold, blustery day when I tempted to fear that spring may never come, I thought I'd follow Julie Andrews' advice and think about my favorite things - or in this case - favorite people. It's been quite some time since I've posted some pictures, so for your viewing enjoyment, here is some of what I've been up to in my free time these past few months.


My boyfriend CJ and I. Yes, it's true. Hard to believe, I know, but we've been dating for just over 3 months now, and it's been such a blessing. Here, we're enjoying a walk around a local lake.


My good friend Liz Woo with Morgan Maxwell. CJ and I met Matt and Kellie and their kids Morgan and Caleb at the Baltimore Aquarium. Liz, her fiance Colin, and another good friend Anne also met us there. We had a blast seeing the under water world through the kids' eyes.

Here's Caleb - getting so big now!

This last weekend, CJ and I visited the Peters in Raleigh and had a great time together. Here's Christopher, Mary Grace, and their son Caleb at the Duke Gardens.

Truth and Beauty

Last night around 10.

I walk across the George Mason campus after class, delicate snow flakes swirling in the glow of the street lights, swirling me into the delightful wonder of a child. I turn my eyes upward and stick out my tongue to catch a few flakes. People are watching, and I have a bag on my shoulder, but I want to stretch out my mittened hands and spun in a giant circle.

Freedom. Joy. Beauty. The deep goodness of God.

In class, we'd been talking about Tom Wolfe's Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, about a LSD-induced world of delight that eventually fell to pieces, that fell so far short of everyone's dreams, that left us disappointed too. Earlier, I'd had conversations with two friends - about their desires for forgiveness and redemption in hard situations, about the seeming impossibility of it all. And my own doubts linger, questioning the goodness of a God who allows suffering, who judges and condemns.

Rebellion. Brokenness. Darkness. The holy justice of God.

I do not know how to hold all of this together, how to stand in the deep and dark places that are real and ever present in this fallen world, how to continue believing that redemptive love is deeper still, that true joy remains possible.

I do not know how. But I do know this - that the gospel is the thing that holds this together, that Jesus died to rescue us from the deep, dark, and deadly power of sin, that He offers us eternal joy and freedom in the depths of His grace and forgiveness.

Conclusions

Yesterday, I came across a book in my friend Jess' classroom - Happily Ever After: A Book Lover's Treasury of Happy Endings. This morning, I nestled myself into my couch with a cup of coffee and read it straight through. What a sweet time to reflect on the beauty of redemption and the ultimate happy ending we can anticipate. Allow me to share a few of my favorites...

But what a lucky man. Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known. He takes deep breaths and the cold air goes to his brain and makes him more sensible. He starts out on the short walk to the house where people love him and will be happy to see his face.

-Garrison Keillor, Lake Wobegon Days


"I wonder where the old Pinocchio of wood has hidden himself?"

"There he is," answered Geppetto. And he pointed to a large Marionette leaning against a chair, head turned to one side, armas hanging limp, and legs twisted under him.

After a long, long look, Pinnochio said to himself with great content: "How ridiculous I was as a Marionette! And how happy I am, now that I have become a real boy!"

-Carlo Collodi, The Adventures of Pinocchio


He sat at the folding table in the basement, pondering what Miriam had said. How he'd been discouraged when God didn't seem to be working, then when God did do something it made him mad. It occurred to Sam that he wasn't an easy man to please.

Upstairs, the Frieda Hampton Memorial Clock bonged nine times. He rose from his chair, rinsed his coffee up out in the kitchen sink, turned off the church lights, and walked down Main Street toward home.

Over at Legal Grounds, Deena Morrison was turning the sign from Yes, We're Open to Sorry, We're Closed. She waved through the glass at Sam as he passed. He smiled and waved back.

She cracked open the door. "Have you heard the news about Sally?"

"Yes."

"Isn't God good," Deena said. It was a declaration, not a question.

Sam smiled and nodded his head in agreement.

God is good, he thought. Bewildering, but good.

-Philip Gulley, Just Shy of Harmony

Small Steps of Faith

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways, acknowledge Him,
and He will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones."
-Proverbs 3:5-8
My roommate Kelly shared these verses at our small group last night, and I found them really encouraging. I've been trying to figure out how to grow in the area of faith, how to take small steps toward what seems like a huge and overwhelming goal - to completely believe that the God of the Bible is real, good, and sovereign.
And this passage gives me hope. It reminds me that my own understanding and wisdom are limited and flawed. And it calls me to be obedient in the areas that God has already made clear to me, to fear Him and to submit my own sinful heart to His leadership. And best of all, it reminds me that He is worthy of my trust, that He is the one who is working in my life to make straight my paths, to heal and to refresh.
How comforting to know that I do not have to figure everything out, that in fact attempting to do so is an indication of my own pride and arrogance. My job is simple: to trust, follow, and obey. These are small steps I can work toward by His grace. The big picture rests in His hands.

The Laughter of Faith

"Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations,
'The Lord has done great things for them.'
The Lord has done great things for us;
we are glad."
--Psalm 126: 2-3

I've been thinking a lot about laughter lately - and how the way in which we laugh reflects the posture of our hearts before God.

Take the Old Testament character of Sarah, for example. Three messengers of the Lord appear to tell her and her husband Abraham that they will finally have the child God promised, even though they are "old, advanced in years." And in her tent, Sarah laughs, saying to herself, "After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?" This is the laugh of bitterness, a laugh that defies God's promise, a laugh that refuses to trust in His goodness. It is fearful, sarcastic, guarded.

I am good at this kind of laughing, at recognizing the futility of things, laughing at hopelessness. I am good at being sarcastic. Like Sarah, I struggle to trust.

But there's hope. Because just two chapters later in Genesis, Sarah has discovered another kind of laughter. Holding her baby boy in her arms, having realized God's promised goodness in the warmth of his small body pressed against her bosom, she says, "God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh over me." This is the laughter of faith, the laughter that wells up from a deep place in the soul of she who has tasted and seen that Lord is good. In spite of years of unfulfilled desires, in spite of continued hardship and an uncertain future, she laughs, tinkling peals of joy ringing out for all to hear. It is a laugh that is certain and real. It is a laugh that worships a real and good and sovereign God.

This is the kind of laugh I want, that of the Proverbs 31 woman who can laugh "at the days to come," even days that are uncertain, even days that promise pain and hardship. But I am aware that I cannot produce this laughter on my own. Like Sarah, I need God to show up and "make laughter for me." I need God to teach me how to trust Him.

Staunton, VA




On the way to Staunton, Sue and I pass towns with names like Woodstock, Verona, and Edinburg. The leaves burst brilliant reds and oranges in the glory of the Friday afternoon sun.

Saturday afternoon, we wander around town. The streets swell and drop on the curves of rolling hillsides, brick buildings nestled tightly against one another. It is quiet here. I say this at least once every hour, so striking is it to me.

At the antique store, the clerk's voice bubbles saccharine. In DC, it would annoy me, but here it is charming. We walk into a glass blowing store, a mosaic of color hanging from the ceiling, lining each shelf. I reach out to touch a vase, its smooth surface warm ice to my fingers.

After the play, we sip chai and mocha latte in a coffee shop that is not Starbuck's. One of the actors walks in and says hello. He notices I'm grading papers, mentions the stack of his own in the car. We have never been introduced, but in Staunton, a face once seen becomes familiar.